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Joke of the Day

"I avoid making eye contact like my loneliness depends on it."

"The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst - so I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back."

"My wife and I have lost over 150lbs combined!!! ...we divorced. I'm not sure how much she weighed but it was definitely over 150lbs."

"""Sit"" dog sits ""Down"" dog lays down on floor ""Play Dead"" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids"

"Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in, you are cut off."

"Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, ""Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."""

"I work with some really great people. They're reliable, they're honest and they never cause any problems. I don't fit in at all."

"Where does a sad chemist find employment? At an apathycary!"

"Donuts are made from flour. Flour is made from wheat. Wheat is a plant. Plants are vegetables. Donuts are a vegetable."

"This joke is so not funny... it makes Robin Williams want to kill himself. too soon?"