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Joke of the Day

"Today, my friend's coworker made a bukkake joke at a meeting and got away with it. I guess they're covered."

"Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*"

"Daughter: Dad do Zombies exist? Dad: No dear they're people wearing lots of makeup. Daughter: Oh like mommy? Dad: Close enough."

"Comedy is suffering. I just saw on twitter someone posted ""When you've got a migraine so bad you can't see straight :c"" I've never heard of a migraine making heterosexuals invisible before."

"A boy asks his mum why he was getting Christmas presents in August His mum replied ""Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy. """

"PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole."

"What goes 99 clonk, 99 clonk, 99 clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg! *^^Joke ^^I ^^found ^^in ^^the ^^Tokyo ^^Ghoul ^^tag ^^on ^^Tumblr, ^^my ^^brother ^^loves ^^this ^^one!*"

"My college advisor asked me if I've ever been abroad Nope, I've been a man my whole life."

"I saw two lesbians kissing in the park. ""There's a time and a place for that,"" I told my wife. She said, ""Yeah..."" I said, ""It's 9pm and my house."""

"So someone dropped a Chinese baby in a toilet? My advice is to pop it in a bag of rice overnight..."