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Joke of the Day

"What did the policeman say when he was told about the large pothole? ""I'll look into it."""

"Nothing like the dreaded ""Mom I missed the bus"" text to get you up and moving."

"What do you call a gay loaf of bread? A faguette ^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud"

"[my kid, literally every school morning] ""I hate mornings. I'm not getting up"" [1st day of summer vacation] ""dad, can we watch the sunrise"""

"Why doesn't a chicken coop have four doors? Because if it did it would be a chicken sedan."

"It's true what they say: shut up."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise? -Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies."

"Sam: Welcome to Multiple Personality Club. Sam: No one else is here. Sam: You're here. Sam: I'M YOU, STUPID! Sam: OK EVERYONE CALM DOWN!"

"Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon."