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Joke of the Day

"[my kid, literally every school morning] ""I hate mornings. I'm not getting up"" [1st day of summer vacation] ""dad, can we watch the sunrise"""

"Where does a dog get a new tail? At the Retail Store"

"A girl gets fired from her job with a Vegas outcall massage service Seems she rubbed too many guys the wrong way."

"Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said ""Honk if you love Jesus!"" That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus."

"Utopian Socialists have no class."

"How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution."

"What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs? Names"

"How does a CANDU reactor work? By believing in itself."

"Did you know pillows have their own website? Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!"

"What'd the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam!"