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Joke of the Day

"At trial, a Volkswagen engineer is called to the stand to explain why they participated in the 'clean diesel' debacle. He claims he is not guilty. He said he was just following...odors."

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"Whats the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks."
"I wanted to smoke a joint at the Mexican border... I wonder why everyone ran away when I asked for papers"
"When one door closes... An incognito window opens."
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"What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed? ""Holy Sheet!"""
"To defeat Superman, Batman will sneak in Superman's house when he's asleep and dig for any weaknesses. You could say, he's going to creep tonight."
"ME: I had salmon for lunch. WIFE: the L is silent. ME: Ha, I knew that. I meant unch."