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Joke of the Day

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting"

"Hear about the oriental tailor that got arrested for being too arrogant with his customers? He was always feeling cocky."

"[ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ....please stop"

"Unicorns have one horn and everyone says ""ooh they're so magical"" Cow's have 2 horns & no one cares even though they taste so much better"

"Want to get rid of your husband without killing him? Just send him to the grocery store & ask for pine nuts. Mine has been gone 6 years."

"""We suspect you may have inability to vocalise emotion disease"" ""I can't say I'm surprised"" *doc strokes beard* ""Hmm yes.Just as we thought"""

"Don't be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I'm walking the dog."

"why should you never sleep with a female beekeper? she might give you herbees"

"dating tip: do NOT kiss their dad on the first date to establish dominance. wait until at least the second date. he will respect you more"

"RIP boiling water You will be mist."