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Joke of the Day

"Q: How is a thief like a thermometer on a hot day? A: They are both up to something."

"I bought a pair of Undies yesterday. On the front it says, ""I Will do Anything For Love"" ..and on the back it says, ""But I Won't do That."""

"I'm sick of people knocking on my door, begging. There's just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank........ I gave her a right fcuking mouthful."

"What do you call a story about beastiality? Fifty Shades of Neigh"

"Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty."

"I like to make a sandwich with just cucumbers and pickles... I call it the Before and After"

"Did you know there is a dating website for amphetamine addicts? Speeddating.com"

"What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity? Beyonsleigh"

"Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor... And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, ""Still not as good as Monica's."""

"Anonymous now declared war on ISIS... It's now a hacking contest."