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Joke of the Day

"A man sits next to a beautiful professional looking woman on an airplane. Lol i just got it pretty funny :-)"

"So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up "" Happy hour special: Lobster tail and beer!"" I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things!"

"Things I need now because of Twitter: 1. A cat 2. A beard 3. Printer for Avis 4. Duct tape 5. Rope 6. Gas card"

"What do you call a pickled aardvark? A jarredvark!"

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's dick tastes like blood.."

"First rule of ADHD club: Never talk about..Nice hat. You ever own a hamster? I did. Died. Watch me do a cartwheel! Ok, who wants brownies?"

"how do you wake lady gaga up? poke her face"

"Other than THAT Ms. Lincoln, how was the play?"

"What's long and hard and fucks old people? Osteoporosis"

"Science flies you to the moon Religion flies you into buildings"