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Joke of the Day

"[Date] Me: how about a drink? get whatever floats your boat Her: thanks! i'll have a mai tai Me: *glaring* you float a boat with water karen"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him"

"While Facebook was down I walked up to coworkers & just said 'unfriend' or 'like' & walked away then poked 17 people before I got arrested."

"I put ""the rap"" in therapy. Yo, yo. Emotional baggage, bitter like cabbage. Rollin up the green like a Hulked out savage. Burger, Inc."

"What is the difference between Usian Bolt and Hitler ? Usian Bolt can finish a race."

"What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long? It gets Camel-Towed."

"My love for shampoo is unconditioner."

"What's Green and has 5 Wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels! Shnockers"

"What did the daddy salt say to his son? ""Stop cracking your NaCles."""

"My least favorite branch of the military is the Girl Scouts, they can't fight for shit."