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Joke of the Day
"It's a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green."
Next Joke
"I was gonna make a dubstep joke. ** . . .** But i'll just drop it."
"Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning ""You mean Diabetes?"" Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases ooh"
"What's the difference between pedophiles and acne? Acne waits until you're 13."
"Did you hear about... Did you hear about the blind circumciser? He got the sack!"
"I thought the girl at my bus stop thought I was sweet but apparently that's not what she meant by ""un-savory"""
"[stranded on Mars] me: [journal day 1] I have enough rations for 300 maybe 400 days me: [journal day 2] I am out of rations"
"Guy runs into a bar, yells ""Quick! How tall is a penguin?"" Bartender says ""Three feet tall."" Guy says ""Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"""
"GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS! GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans."
"What do Ted Cruz and Donald Trump's father have in common? They pulled out too late."