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Joke of the Day

"*flips over table* *table flips back up* Table: You got a problem? Me: DO YOU? Table: ... Me: HUH? Table: ... Me: I SAID DO WE HA- Table: No"

"Me: ""Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!"" *mugger approaches* Me: ""Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."""

"As Newton once said, ""For every male action, there is a female over-reaction""."

"I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: ""Oh, bad move, I'd have done it this way..."""

"Did you hear about the guy who died while digging a hole for a coffin? It was a grave excavation."

"[police raid at balloon store] Cop on radio:""We can hear gunfire is everyone ok, over"" Hedgehog cop inside:""Its not gunfire, over"""

"This may be a bit messed up. If you eat one thing a lot, people tend to joke that you'll ""become it"". I used to eat vegetables. Guess what I became."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate it's tits a lot."

"I the shell off a snail yesterday... you'd think it would move faster, but it was really kinda sluggish."

"Girl, did you take a massage therapy course at a community college with questionable credentials? Because you're rubbing me the wrong way."