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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the doctor who fell into a well? He should have been attending to the sick and left the well alone."

"Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold? I dunno I just fly the drone....."

"You might want to read all of my tweets... so that when the movie comes out you can be all pompous and say the timeline was better."

"- 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches."

"Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room 2) panic 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside 4)buy new spiderless vacuum"

"WINDEX CEO: listen, I can't have you making puns anymore. EMPLOYEE: okay, I just want to make things clear-- CEO: you're fired."

"Did you hear about the blind woman in a gangbang? She didn't know what came over her."

"I used to watch lots of Bruce Willis movies, but now I don't. I guess old habits Die Hard. ^Someone ^please ^slap ^me. ^EDIT: ^Even ^better, ^this ^was ^a ^shower ^thought ^too..."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Why do people who aren't able to celebrate Father's Day... ...get all of February instead?"