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Joke of the Day

"Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room 2) panic 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside 4)buy new spiderless vacuum"

"Trying this hot water diet where you drink a cup of hot water in the morning but so far all I've done is burn my tongue and eat 7 donuts."

"I'm fluent in Morose Code. -Debbie Downers"

"When do you care for a man's company? ""When he owns it."""

"Engineers What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets."

"What is an alto's favorite drink? High C!"

"Now that Harriet Tubman is on the $20... Is it only worth $12?"

"While having dinner, the dad scolded at his son: ""If you continue talking about crap during the meal, I'll slap the shit out of you"""

"I feel melancoll, meloncholl, melancholl, meloncholy, you know what, I'm good."

"frodo: [doesnt know how to get to mordor, doesnt know how to fight, doesnt know who he should actually trust] i need to do this alone"