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Joke of the Day

"If I won Super Bowl tickets for me and 10 friends I'd have to sell at least 7 on ebay."

"I hate when the urinal auto-flushes while I'm still using it. Did I just cease to exist? Am I back now? If not, where am I peeing?"

"I used to have a problem choking on my food all the time Now I only eat cheerios and life savers"

"""This joke is told through a third persons omniscient point of view."" Said the guy who wanted everyone to know that he had gotten an A in his literature class."

"[first day as a coroner] me: he died at 11:42AM detective: are you positive me: it's hard with all this death but i'm hanging in there"

"I really want to kill my roommate but I just dont know if I could live with myself."

"The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a? small medium at large."

"There was one good thing still to be said about the politician who went to prison for stalking... He was a man of the peep-hole!"

"My girlfriend spends every night in town, going from bar to bar. And she always f*cking finds me."

"If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico. Not by choice though."