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Joke of the Day

"Auto correct is like when a 3yo kid wants to help wash the car.its a nice gesture but really its just slowing shit down! :)"

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken."

"I used to be be indecisive.... ....now I'm not so sure."

"I hate street performers. Then again, I'm a mime, so I can't really talk."

"How many things do you need to change a lightbulb? 3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb"

"What do you think of Miles Davis? he kind of blew"

"My son just said he doesn't like cheese and now I have to interview all the mailmen in my neighborhood"

"I wonder if this conversation ever took place.. - Jesus, what is that over there? - Don't hang me up on it, but I think it's a cross."

"chin nut What do you call nuts on a wall? A: a wallnut What do you call nuts on a chest? A: a chestnut What do you call nuts on your chin? A: a blowjob"