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Joke of the Day
"You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast."
Next Joke
"*Godzilla screeching in pain as he accidentally steps on Legoland*"
"""You're going to leave me for someone younger,"" my wife explained. ""That's not right,"" I assured her. ""They could be older too."""
"Why did Kelly Clarkson cross the road? Because of you."
"The best things in life are free. Like your neighbor's wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they're away, for instance."
"There are 11 types of people in this world... those who know unary and those who don't have fingers. :)"
"If God hadn't meant the pussy to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco."
"Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try"
"woke this morning with a thin white thread hanging from my mouth Hoped for a teabag"
"There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who pee in the shower.. and fucking liars."