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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon."

"My Dad died recently, but unfortunately I slept in and missed the funeral I guess I'm not a mourning person"

"How would Arnold Schwarzenegger describe a sousaphone? ""It's not a tuba!"""

"Jokes that Eddie Murphy could have done on SNL40. Here is mine. I did comedy for the fame, money and sex with white women. The 80's was so long ago. Good night folks."

"How do you make a Bloody Nicole? Like a Bloody Mary, but with a stab of OJ..."

"What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth? A midwife crisis."

"The Asian father reads his son's report card, where he finds a ""B"". ""B is for Burger King, where YOU'LL WORK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"""

"Why did the groom want his bride to wear white? He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge."

"A plateau is the highest form of flattery I'm sorry"

"Would you rather have a threesome or dinner with your parents? Personally, I choose dinner with parents. I mean if I'm gonna disappoint two people at once, I at least want it to be two people I know."