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Joke of the Day

"I think I speak for Earth when I say that I'm ready for Justin Bieber to turn to hard drugs and squander his wealth, eventually losing fame."

"The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one"

"""We've been doing this for years, I simply can't be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?"" - people who named the fly."

"..which is why I start my sentences in the middle."

"Better names for porcupines: Needle Beaver Battlepig Hurty Squirrel Flail Monster Cactus Rat Capy-scare-uh Death otter Revenge Possum"

"What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison."

"How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining."

"How Did Harry Potter Get Down The Hill? Walking. Jk Rowling."

"Last year my ex got mad at me because I was masturbating during a shower.. ..which usually wouldn't be a big deal, but.... It was a baby shower."

"""I haven't accomplished much but I will harshly judge the hard work of others"" -Critics"