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Joke of the Day

"Sorry girl, you knew you were dating a bad boy *saves used gift bag because those things are expensive*"

"hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER"

"My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke. Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!"

"Football started as strictly butt-slapping & they built the rest of the game around that so it wouldn't look weird by itself"

"President's Day is just a holiday invented by Presidents to sell more Presidents."

"I'll always be here for you.... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I'll be over there for you."

"My wife sent me out to buy something that would make her look sexy. So I went to the store, and came home with a case of beer."

"What u call a Jewish Asian? Japplebaum."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" ""My kids are being jerks."" ""Hey, Christian, you can't keep calling here."" ""Are you gonna send help?"" ""..."""

"Job interview... H- ""So how would you describe yourself?"" Me- ""Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance"".."