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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up."

"Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call."

"How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan? He was de-lighted"

"The more Twitter tells me it's over Capacity, the more I think Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping."

"My girlfriend wanted to join the Mile High Club... But I didn't give a flying fuck."

"When the doctors diagnosed me with leprosy... ...I laughed my head off."

"If a Church Congregation from Massachusetts goes on a Bus Ride It would be Mass Mass Mass Transit"

"Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor."

"How many seconds are there in a day in Africa? Seconds? They barely get firsts!"

"Police: ""You were going fast."" Me: ""I was trying to keep up with traffic."" Police: ""There isn't any."" Me: ""That's how far behind I am!"""