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Joke of the Day
"When the doctors diagnosed me with leprosy... ...I laughed my head off."
Next Joke
"Twiter helps me keep my finger on the pulse of what today's youth is jazzing & vibing to. #hip #relevant"
"3-year-old: *stares at the baby* What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?"
"""What should we call ourselves?"" How about 22 pilots? ""Idk. Seems like an awful lot of pilots"" 21 pilots? ""Omg"""
"My dad called me a fool for taking a job at the penny factory. But the truth is it makes a lot of cents."
"There are so many uses for toilet paper rolls... but you have to go through a lot of shit to use them."
"Me: I need to know what your office drug policy is. Him: No drugs. Me: Got it... Do you consider the parking lot to be part of the office?"
"Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: ""I'm so sorry"""
"What do you call a dumb seal? An imbeseal"
"James Franco is making a movie about lesbian vampires. I'm betting it'll be a period piece."