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Joke of the Day

"Walked past the fridge today and heard some onions singing the Bee Gees... ...turns out it was just some Ch-ch-ch-chivvveesss talking."

"I ordered the chick on page 3 in the Victoria's Secret catalog... But all they sent me was her underwear."

"*gets into any creepy van* *Gets kicked out*"

"Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand."

"I've got an Uncle Rube. I mean he's really my mother's sister's roommate's friend's hairdresser's step-dad, but the effect is the same."

"So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery."

"How do you pay for incense? In cents"

"What do goats do to get off? They pasturebate"

"Why was the attorney kicked out of choir? All she could sing was, ""Law, law, law, law, law, law, law."""

"""Helga tell me something. Why do Swedish men always have stupid grins on their faces?"" ""Because they're stupid"" said her friend."