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Joke of the Day

"So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery."

"The Five Stages of Christmas Shopping Grief: - denial - anger - strong language - moderate violence - a lifetime ban from Toys R Us"

"I am finally going to be rich someday... I've invested in toilet paper and funeral homes. 'Cause at some point, everyone has to go!"

"Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart and 4 people asked me to defend them in Drug Possession Cases. Court starts Monday."

"Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

"Why was the photographer arested? Indecent exposure."

"Knock Knock.. Who's there? Knock Knock.. Who's there? Knock Knock.. Who's there? Open the door! I'm the pilot."

"I hate these services like Tinder and Grindr. I remember back when if you wanted to have sex, someone else had to make a huge mistake."

"I thought about opening up a cemetery... but it seems like it would be a large undertaking."

"I saw Death walking out of my house today... I guess Grandma won. Again."