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Joke of the Day

"Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand."

"Watching a cooking show when ""We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day"" I bet that went down well."

"I read a book called 'The Anti-Climax' The first part of it was great, but...."

"I want to become famous... so that one day, when people approach me asking ""Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"" I can reply with ""I don't know, do you watch a lot of porn?"""

"Did you hear about the guy that was born without ears? Neither did he."

"If anyone is interested I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security."

"I want to buy a Prius because I plan on driving off of a cliff & I don't want to make too big of an explosion & kill squirrels or turtles"

"What do fat chicks and brick walls have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans."

"Why did 10 go missing? Because 9/11."

"After 5 years of marriage. After 5 years of marriage I found out my wife has 2 incomes, hers and mine....."