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Joke of the Day

"Girl wins a watch ""Mom, the old man down the street told me that if I sucked his dick he'd give me THIS WATCH!"""

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. There's nothing more endearing than happy people applauding themselves."

"What is the favorite food joint of dubstep makers? Sub-WUB-WUB-WUB-way"

"Son, I'm not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist."

"What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating? ADMIRAL ACKBAR!"

"Awkward That awkward when you read ""moment"" even though it wasn't there."

"What's E.T short for? Because he's got little legs. But seriously, what does ET stand for? Because he can't sit down."

"My girlfriend's father is pretty religious and said we couldn't make love... which is rather disappointing because he's extremely handsome."

"The Tortoise and the Hare is a classic story about how people who like to run are awful."

"[date shouting over music on the dance floor]: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING TWO CORN DOGS? Me: BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!"