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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's father is pretty religious and said we couldn't make love... which is rather disappointing because he's extremely handsome."

"If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country. Not a political repost I'm just getting deported"

"People that live in glass houses have tons of dead birds on their lawn."

"I bought some shoes from my pill dealer on Friday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all weekend."

"Will the Australian eat jam? He Mar-might."

"What do you call an American girl who can run faster than her brothers? A Virgin."

"I've recently invented a new gaseous compound I like to call 'Fuh'. I like to spray myself with it before I go out. It often causes people to Fuh-cough."

"YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR DOG: I'm totally cool with that. I love you. ****************** YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR CAT: Me too."

"My neighbor traded in his KIA yesterday. Sold his Soul for a Mustang."

"Why didn't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box..."