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Joke of the Day

"[date shouting over music on the dance floor]: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING TWO CORN DOGS? Me: BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!"

"There was an infantry man that rode horses for over 50 years. What was his name? Major Bumsore"

"Shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give body armour manufacturers a bad name."

"I remember when ""Something's eating up data."" meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled."

"What do you say when you see your TV floating in the middle of the night? Drop it Ni**a (sorry for the offensive word)"

"Jared Fogle got 15 years 8 months. But officer, she told me she was 18!"

"*leads a conga line off of a bridge"

"What do you call a mean general? General Average"

"My boyfriend offered to do analingus if I'd trim a ""landing strip..."" I told him he should be more worried about Skid Row."

"I was in my space ship with my pregnant wife, travelling about .95c, when she suddenly went into labor. Turns out time wasn't the only thing that was dilated."