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Joke of the Day

"[at a bar] ""I'm meeting my friend Dan"" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK"

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"Im a bit hurt that my friends told me I'm condescending. Condescending is a big word that means you talk down to people."
"What do you call a little pepper in Spanish? A jalapequeno"
"Idea: ATM that sends you encouraging messages like ""You Can Do it"" or ""Ramen Noodles Aren't So Bad"" when you check your sad Account Balance"
"How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh don't worry, they'll let you know."
"When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation."
"My girlfriend asked me if we could try fitness... I replied, ""fitness? How about we try fitness dick in your ass."""
"I heard that for his role in the Baywatch movie Dwayne Johnson dropped down to 238 lbs from 260 lbs so he could look more ripped than 'big'. I guess that would make him a metamorphic Rock."
"what goes thump thump thump squish thump thump thump squish a Caterpillar with one wet sneaker."
"An Irishman walks out of a bar... ...could happen."
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