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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me if we could try fitness... I replied, ""fitness? How about we try fitness dick in your ass."""

"Doctor says to his patient ""you have cancer and Alzheimer"".. Patient looks at him and says: ""At least I don't have cancer."""

"2 guys walk into a bar... The one who ducked was never a Pokemon fan."

"Have you heard about these cats getting plastic surgery to look like kittens?"

"When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute."

"If the USSR were to become a country again... ...would it be called the Soviet Reunion?"

"A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch... The bartender asks, ""What's that hangin' off ye?"" The pirate responds, ""arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common? Their biggest hit was The Wall."

"They said being blind would hinder my chances of becoming a comedian. I don't see them laughing now."

"My co-worker is so annoying... She's always showing me pictures of her daughter and always asking: ""Have you seen my baby?"" It's so annoying, come on, its been two years, they're never gonna find her."