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Joke of the Day

"I told my friend that I'm getting a divorce. ""What about the kids?"" he asked. I said, ""they're still together."""

"Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs? *tries to smoke a carrot* Yea I guess I'm feelin it"

"I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon."

"Some guy named Rand McNally printed out a bunch of Google maps and sells them at gas stations. Weird."

"Facebook: Holy Crap, I know this person. Twitter: Good Lord, I know this person."

"What do you call? What do you call an anorexic with a east infection? A quarter pounder with cheese."

"I took off my bra and chips fell out. Plot twist I haven't been eating chips"

"You know you're a total loser when your controversial political post gets zero likes or comments on Facebook."

"What do you call two Mexican guys playing basketball? Juan on Juan."

"A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this the barber explained ""Yes sir no one's been in for a shampoo yet."""