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Joke of the Day

"John Cena woke up in the hospital John Cena woke up in the hospital with no idea of what was going on. The nurse walked in and he asked ""Where am I?"" She responded ""ICU"" He said ""No you don't."""

"Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory."

"My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes. He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes."

"Cat: Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk... [ *Coughs up hairball* ] Dog: You gonna eat that?"

"Guys who say there's a party in their pants are probably referring to search parties."

"What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells. Credit to DBZ. Edit: Not sure why this auto flared to religion...."

"What is it about half men - half horses? They always have to be centaur of attention."

"What do you call a baby Matt Damon? A new-Bourne"

"what did one lesbian vampire say to the other? same time next month? (hopefully not a repost)"

"As a wizard I know a selection of offensive spells... My favorite is 'Curse'."