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Joke of the Day

"My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the ""what is this shit"" look."

"Late to Fight Club Was late to my Fight Club last night so I missed the intro rules. I love Fight Club, I'd highly recommend Fight Club."

"My cousin's a traveller and he lives in a camper van, but he's always wanted to brick up... so he drove on dirt roads until he got a flat."

"Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island Island Man: oh come on not this again"

"DJ Khaled must be asian.... all he does is nguyen."

"New Year's resolution is to stop drinking. Dies of thirst."

"I slept like a baby last night... I woke up every 15 minutes and then shat myself"

"What do you say when you are trying to comfort a grammar nazi? There, their, they're"

"What do you call a broken statue with nice tits? A busted busty bust."

"I had a dream that I ate 5lbs marshmallow... I woke up and my pillow was gone."