201906

Joke of the Day

"My cousin's a traveller and he lives in a camper van, but he's always wanted to brick up... so he drove on dirt roads until he got a flat."

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"Some people say that it's impossible to have fun and burn calories.. I suppose those people have never burned a fattie."

"My sister bet me a $100 i couldn't build a car out of Spaghetti... You should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta!!!!"

"Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes"

"I used to cry when my dad chopped onions. I miss Onions, he was a good dog."

"A man walks into the bar... The bartender: ""Hi Dave!"" The boss faints."

"Why are glasses required to do math? because you need it for davision"

"Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled ""supplies!"""

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!"