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Joke of the Day
"My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday So I took her to a baseball game"
Next Joke
"What is one thing that both Australians & Americans share the same view on? 1961"
"Now that Prince is dead... ...is he formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince?"
"I like my girlfriends how I like my wine... 10 years old and locked in a cellar"
"Nothing says ""I probably don't have a mode of transportation"" like being the dude hugging another dude on the back of a Harley."
"You wouldn't know her. She goes to a different Internet"
"With a wheelchair, everyday is Halloween! Children are scared of you, adults try to guess what you are, and the elderly just give you candy! Paraphrased from the wonderful Zach Anner"
"""Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people."" -my cat"
"What do Japanese men do when they have erections? Vote."
"Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics."