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Joke of the Day

"With a wheelchair, everyday is Halloween! Children are scared of you, adults try to guess what you are, and the elderly just give you candy! Paraphrased from the wonderful Zach Anner"

"Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race? I've finally turned a corner in my career."

"Rule 34.34 of the internet If it exists, there is a repost of it."

"Rookie cop: ""But sir, why would man's laughter be a crime?"" Chief: ""ffs kid, it's one word. Manslaughter."""

"How to be depressed Step 1. Go to 1973 and sell 10% shares of apple for $800 Step 2. Realise those 10% is worth $43 billion nowadays."

"Religion is like stuffing dollar after dollar into a broken Coke machine and having faith that some day it will work for you."

"Did you hear about the pessimistic German vegetarian? He feared the wurst"

"You know what's funny? An unexpected shift in context."

"I'll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions."

"Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired? She didn't have control of her pupils"