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Joke of the Day

"What gets wetter the more you dry? A woman on a tumble dryer! (Bet you thought I was gonna say 'a towel', didn't you, silly redditors?)"

"Me (digging a hole): how's this? My clone: at least 6 feet deeper Me: you sure there's treasure? My Clone: toss me up your keys bud"

"the other day, I got into a car accident. A midget got out of the other car and said ""I'm not happy!"" I said ""Well, than which one are you?"""

"Static cling is just physics showing us how much it loves us."

"Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them."

"I'm nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down."

"I'm so sick of unexpected character deaths for shock value. This is a terrible pilates video."

"If a child's survival depended on my ability to share bacon, I would weep greasy, bacony tears at that child's funeral."

"What is written on Ronald McDonald's gravestone? McRIP"

"Ricky Martin should have waited until Saturday so he could come out the same day as the iPad. Maybe that's what Tom Cruise is waiting for?"