133989

Joke of the Day

"To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again."

"(child accidentally being born in butcher shop) Shirtless mother: what should we name him? Father: um..*looks around room* a..bra...ham"

"Why did the Jedi cross the road? To get to the dark side."

"""911? Help, my son has gone missing"" [baby lowers hands from eyes] ""Holy crap he just appeared out of nowhere"""

"I tried to think of a good music joke But that sort of thing really isn't my forte."

"If by ""flexible"" you mean ""can I get my foot behind my head?"" then yes, I am. If you mean ""can I get my foot back down?"" then no, I am not."

"There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe, call in sick tomorrow."

"For sale Dead Budgie Not going cheep"

"Why didn't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box."

"when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth"