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Joke of the Day

"Dad joke I just had with my girlfriend GF: *sigh GF: *sigh GF: *sigh Me: That's like 3 sighs in 30 seconds. GF: And they all probably meant different things. Me: I guess I need to know sigh language."

"If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist."

"Why did the vibrator go to the bar? To catch a buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos but it's hard... So hard."

"Why is the mushroom so popular? Because he's such a fungi."

"Why do children cry when they find out Santa isn't real? They figured out who has been drinking their milk and eating the cookies!"

"What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny Farts"

"""I'll put this somewhere I won't lose it."" (I'll hide it somewhere I'll never see it again.)"

"How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh, wait. That's a hardware problem. [source](http://nerdfighteria.info/video/54/Zrnd63DAH8o)"

"I hate when I accidentally say ""I love you"" instead of ""I'm biologically driven to want to reproduce with you & I'm temporarily delusional"""