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Joke of the Day

"If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist."

"How do you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 1 in the boot and the rest in the ashtray."

"What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant? A Shish-ke-Robert"

"Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos."

"Men domesticated dogs to have a friend. Cats to eradicate the pests of the home. But we are still trying to domesticate women for easy reproduction."

"You don't know humility until your Ouija board gets snippy with you."

"Why does Santa always have a big sack? He only comes once a year."

"I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime."

"I have chronic diarrhea. My dad also has chronic diarrhea, and his dad had it too... It runs in our jeans."

"Anyone want to hear a really Nepalling joke about an earthquake? Oh. Nvm..."