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Joke of the Day

"what's the difference between my television and my wife? my friends wait til i'm home to use my television"

"What does Reddit and Dating have in common? It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle."

"Sorry Im late, I was staring at a wall for an hour thinkin about how delicious that pizza looked on Home Alone 2 when Kevin got in the limo."

"What do you call a vessel full of academics? A scholarship"

"Hey, did you fall from heaven? So did Satan."

"if daniel day-lewis dies the doctors will hav to make extra sure he's dead. he may just be acting dead and no one woud ever kno"

"What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight? I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion"

"After watching Interstellar, I really want to buy a Lincoln."

"Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the ""Like"" button."

"Floyd Mayweather is unbeaten Can't say the same about the women in his life"