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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a vessel full of academics? A scholarship"

"Me: ""Want a banana?"" 3yo: ""Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."""

"My friend and his girlfriend are looking for a girl to have a three-way with... I told him to find someone whose parents are divorced. You want to find a girl who is comfortable ruining relationships."

"""Grandpa, why did you let catastrophic global warming and 4+ Transformers movies happen?"" -- Your disappointed grandchildren"

"I'm not sure if I have constipation or diarrhoea. I'll find out by a process of elimination."

"If Barrack Obama wrote a book what would it be called? 50 states of gay."

"What's it called when a terrorist's wife cheats with an American? Infidel-ity."

"I tripped over some stupid plant so I gave it the finger and walked in a circle around it because I wasn't sure where its stupid eyes were."

"A black man and a Mexican are in a car, who is driving? The cop"

"""OEDIPUS!"" Oedipus' mother screamed. ""I'M COMING!"" Oedipus screamed back. ""So soon?"""