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Joke of the Day

"CW: It's gonna get cold! Me: You're gonna die. CW: Excuse me? Me: Sorry, I thought we were pointing out the obvious."

"What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls? Parker gets paid for his selfies."

"""My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects..."""

"Kim Jong Un ""When I said nuke the Chinese, I meant microwave the takeout from yesterday!"""

"[First Date] Me: So, Construction? Him: Yeah M: You nail stuff? With your big hammer? H: M: Like to screw? H: M: Hey! Where are you going?"

"What can't you call a black priest Father..."

"How do you tell... How do you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes!"

"I'm learning ancient history ? So am I lets go for a walk and talk over old times !"

"Death is like a chance to fuck in high school or college If you find out how it was close - you will be surprised."

"I was going to tell you guys a joke about my poop but.... It's too corny"