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Joke of the Day

"Go away, mosquito. I've already had the blood drained out of me by my job."

"What does Ron Howard ask before watersports? You down with Opie pee?"

"Know Thyself, said Jesus. in the biblical sense. Merry Christmas."

"So apparently ""self-deprecating humour"" is what's popular now... And I'm really not that good at it."

"I used to be addicted to soap... But now I'm clean."

"What do pirates use to copy files? Yarrrrrsync!"

"It's ironic that pregnant people have to order virgin drinks."

"1. Rage against the machine. 2. Check to make sure machine is plugged in. 3. Apologize to the toaster for the misunderstanding."

"People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it"

"What is the best way to cut a mango? With a knife!"