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Joke of the Day

"Why monkeys make terrible drivers: bad depth perception, suffer from road rage & fling poop at other drivers."

"The preacher tells me today... "" I hardly see you in church. You need to join the army of the Lord"". I said... ""I am. I'm in the secret service"""

"[job interview] What experience do you have plucking chickens? Me: See all those hairs on my chin? No. Me: Exactly."

"Irish chili How many beans do you put in Irish chili? Two hundred and thirty-nine. Why? Because one more would be two-farty."

"Don't make fun of a fat girl with a lisp. I'm sure she's thick and tired of it."

"Thanks for posting your running route on Facebook. Now I know the best place to hit you with my car."

"Did you hear that Jim Carrey lost his left arm in a horrific accident? I guess that makes him all-righty then."

"My favorite one-liner Two women sat down quietly."

"Hi, you're through to the Incontinence Hotline... Can you hold please?"

"What do you do if you are driving your car in central Manhattan and you see a space man? Park in it, of course."