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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear that Jim Carrey lost his left arm in a horrific accident? I guess that makes him all-righty then."

"I told my husband he really should stop masturbating. ""Why?"", he asked ""Because you're making this dinner party REALLY uncomfortable for our guests."""

"When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise"

"What do a cheap robot and a high class prostitute have in common They both stop working for you after you pee on them."

"Can you spell very happy with three letters? XTC (ecstasy)."

"My wife took me to the best 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play."

"The most terrifying sentence in the world. ""I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."" -RR"

"*drops off box to Salvation Army* ""Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?"" *peels out*"

"In a room full of idiots screaming their opinions at the top of their lungs, be the guy in the corner doing finger guns with his reflection."

"I went to the zoo last week and there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu."