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Joke of the Day

"Ninety-eight percent of lawyers... give the other two percent a really bad name."

"Alcohol is never the answer...... Unless the question is, ""What is C2H5OH?"""

"What did the 0 say to the 8 ? Nice belt."

"What did Wonder Woman tell The Flash when he saw that he was greying? ""I still find you dashing"""

"So I went to a culture booth recently... And I tried some ramen. Wasn't a great idea I soon found out, as I had eaten a cheeseburger not long before. Everything just surrendered..."

"Do you guys ever bite your tongue by accident? Do you guys ever hit a homeless man then just keep driving?"

"Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad."

"NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate."

"*gingerly maneuvers the garbage can back into place between a stack of crown molding we'll never use and your antique pesticide collection*"

"I'm not an alcoholic... My liver is evil and it must be destroyed."