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Joke of the Day

"Why did the vegetable band break up? They couldn't keep a beet."

"I don't always roll a joint... But when I do it's my ankle."

"What do you call sex with a burrito? Getting chipotlaid."

"why doesn't mexico have an olympic team? because everybody that can run, swim or jump in in the united states..."

"How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown? It's a trade secret, but don't worry, Berkshire Hathaway"

"Me: Are these your kids? Boss: ""Yep"" They're gorgeous! ""Thanks"" Step kids? ""Nope"" Adopted? ""No.."" .. "".."" She's cheating on you.. ""Get out"""

"What did the dyslexic traveller say when he arrived at an unknown station? Whoops, wrong sub."

"3. The number of times you can flip a grilled cheese sandwich before you notice that you have the pan on the wrong burner...cuz of Twitter."

"little son knows How to scare parents? Dad: ""Can I see your report card, son?"" Son: ""I don't have it."" Dad: ""Why?"" Son: ""I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."""

"Me: Hi, officer. I saw you coming up the driveway. Cop: (sadly) Your son has been in an accident. Me: I FLUSHED ALL MY DRUGS FOR THAT?!"