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Joke of the Day

"""Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she's not herself."" *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*"

"Tofu is over rated... It's just a curd to me."

"Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."

"I would fake a heart attack but this coworker would just try to finish his story in the ambulance ride to the hospital."

"Why is a UTI such a bad thing? Because it means urine trouble"

"I just Facebook Unfriended someone on their birthday. #TrueGrit"

"How are condoms like cameras? They capture your special moments."

"Q: What did the finger say to the thumb? A: I'm in glove with you."

"Being attractive is a requirement to become a firefighter... Because they turn the hoes on."

"I went on a date last night!nIt went really well...up until the moment the couple realized I was following them & promptly called the cops."