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Joke of the Day

"9: Why are you hitting that spider? wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law [leaving] I don't have to take this"

"Don't move leaves without their permission... That's rake."

"It's annoying how mirrors are always all like, ""Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you something gross about you."""

"What is the difference between my grandma and a newborn baby? When I fuck my grandma up the ass she doesn't die."

"Apocalypse cheese I bought some apocalypse cheese. It said best before the end."

"What's a rebel's favorite key on a keyboard? An R key."

"A man is with his wife... Just look at the first comment, the joke is probably better."

"How do you get a blonde on the roof? Say the drinks are on the house"

"Rosetta Stone should make software for whatever valley girl language my 16-year old stepdaughter speaks."

"Did you hear the one about the Jewish carpenter? I heard he nailed it!"