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Joke of the Day

"*sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise* *holds up sign from desk* YOU'RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS"

"It's nothing serious, we're not dating or anything, we just sometimes get brunch together, were just Friends with Benedict."

"I came home today to find that all of my lamps had been stolen I was absolutely delighted."

"A girl phoned me the other day and said, ""Come on over, there's nobody home."" I went over. Nobody was home."

"Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken."

"[at funeral] ""my phone is vibrating"" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? ""no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED"

"A Roman walks into a bar... and holds up two fingers and says ""I'll have five beers please."""

"When Arnold says the line ""I'll be back"" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help."

"Summer was especially good this year in Canada... If I recall correctly it was a friday"

"Two Hispanic men are playing basketball. It's Juan on Juan."